厭

我開始覺得倦了
算了吧
放開了吧
然後又是我先捨不得

又那些詭異的我不敢承認的距離
一次又一次
總使人厭悶

乖
不要太易灰心
要記得最好的感覺

我一個人

我一個人這件事
突然會讓我覺得難堪
一個人上路不是因為我很喜歡或者我很勇敢
而是我等不了了
等不了優柔寡斷
等不了左等右等

所以一關又一關
我還是一個人

sigh

you do make me very happy.
可是我們有個很現實的距離
是心的距離

目送

我總是覺得
這一個又一個目送的過程
好可怕

目送大家離開
然後我在抓住些甚麼呢？

又忍不住覺得
這麼費勁的事
不一定能成功

重覆

我總是重覆地覺得別人不在意
我想
那是真的了
那又怎樣呢

不論如何都快樂

不論如何都快樂
心不要酸
即使我覺得孤獨得很
我以為我沒有了世界

如果你是假的怎麼辦
不要緊
已經假過很多次了

世界很大
不要自憐

I will work very very hard

I will work very very hard

very very hard

to get myself married with three kids.

I just decided I want to have three kids.

Nothing about freaking career, please.

I am trying hard but I dunno the way.

不愛

我心中不斷重複同一句話
你不愛我了
不愛我了
不愛我了
不愛我了

直至把我捏碎

why emotional?

Lady, you have got the job you want, and why are you emotional?
Why are you feeling bad today?
Because another thing you want comes up to your mind just so immediately
And why won't you praise his name for a little longer before you ask for more?
Why do you feel so bad today?
What is that overwhelms you?
Pride?
I felt 'insulted'. I guess it's my problem, no one else feels that.

得一想二

為甚麼我都是一個好競爭的人呢？
剛得一就想二
可是除了向上帝求
又可以說甚麼呢？

See the real me

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

i dun understand

i dun understand this sudden temper
好像發瘋了
叫天不應叫地不聞
我知
世界還是這樣轉
一切還是一樣
我應該感恩
可是我所不承認的悲涼
在蠶食我

小感冒

一場小感冒
情緒的也來一場
為何今日無比孤獨
突然間好像所有人都離開我的感覺
忽而失落
像掉到谷底都只得自己一個

我只是太過太過需要被愛而已

忐忑

等待總是最難過
等一份工作
等一個別人
可是生命還是很快樂
很多愛

恐怖

原來外面的世界是這樣的
特別慷慨
可以去嗎？
應該去嗎？
會離理想愈來愈遠嗎？

已經擔心嫁不出了
會成為第二高嗎
人工不要太高
職位不要太高
拜託

paranoid

I guess I'm paranoid, then I think you don't care
I guess I'm paranoid, then I think it's not like what I was thinking
I guess I'm paranoid, when someone says I'm too good for others
I guess I'm phobic, then I imagine myself perish in loneliness

That's my defect then......no one is 'too good' right?
If you say I'm clever, I wish I'm gentle enough not to hurt others
If you say I'm pretty, I wish I somehow know how to comfort other's nerve
Lady, you are not good to that level, don't worry.

How to save myself?

在發問我願不願意

哪些是我在意的事情
哪些其實無關痛癢
你看我的電影聽我愛的音樂重要嗎？

時間很多
空間很闊
等

中女危機

即係咁,我知我只是年屆廿四,在德國人眼中看來大概18,但近日有點危機感

第一, 面上冒出雀斑,原來我一個冬天沒有用防曬, 這是我慣常的做法, 平生第一次考慮是不是要買美白產品

第二, 胡姐在wall上說給我介紹男仔, O My God, 睇落好似我冇人要了, delete了又好小家, 惟有胡亂回應,我是不是到了令人擔心的時候呢, 作為一個自以為都五官端正的人,想一想過去五年都單身這件事,實在有點恐怖
話雖如此,生活還是這樣繼續,在我車輪轉的page上早已消失了的post, 一條不存在的刺

I dreamt about it

我在夢中早已去過那裡
然後我真的去了
還有那一首催迫著我離開的歌
我也在那裡聽到了
我遇到上帝
I believe heaven to be much more beautiful
but somehow that's beyond my imagination
it's the best I can get
and I think that's all I'm supposed to come for

This time I mean it when I say I'm ready for home
It's not an escape from chaos here
It's not just homesick
It's that I've done enough and ready for the next page

I'm not so sure how are things 'ought to be'
nor why are they the way they are
but through all these I know Him better

Yes, it was an offense I tried to deny for years
call it an abuse you may
it smashed my boundary which I'm not very good at keeping
that's why I put walls in wrong places

Es tut mir leid

Es tut mir sehr leid
原來是這樣
原來當我愈自以為理直氣壯的時候其實就遠離上帝了
原來我們合力使人受傷跌倒了
我想
在亞爾卑斯山谷
可否靜下來問上帝
怎樣才比較好？